‘We Mustn’t Abandon Civil Discourse,’ Cries Child Torn from Mother’s Arms
Six-year-old Daniel Rodriguez cried out in defense of civil discourse as U.S. immigration officials tore him from his mother’s arms
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Clams: the Sluts of the Ocean
The animal kingdom presents many mysteries to science, but none more than the creatures of the ocean. However, thanks to
Religion
Starbucks Releases ‘Fuck Everyone’ Holiday Cups
Following years of controversial holiday cup releases, Starbucks has finally found a way to satisfy all its customers. The chain’s
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National
Good News: Active Shooters Increase Prayer in Schools
Americans need look no further than public education to see how far the country has abandoned its principles. From taking
Ford Introduces Self-Combusting SUV
Ford SUV fans have a reason to celebrate. America’s SUV sales leader unveiled on Friday the Ford Flash, the company’s
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Whole Foods Commits to Farms with Cage-Free Workers
Representatives from the national supermarket chain Whole Foods announced at a press conference today that, after years of demand from customers,
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Education Department to Integrate Shootings into School Curriculum
After several recent gun-violence incidents across the country succeeded in preparing kids for a future rife with active-shooter scenarios, Secretary
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Man Carrying Concealed Fact Arrested on White House Grounds
A man carrying a concealed fact was arrested Friday afternoon after he breached the perimeter fence at the White House.
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Poll: Americans Receive Majority of News from Dark Recesses of Subconscious
In a media landscape where network and cable news viewership is plummeting while new media is on the rise, a
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Treasury Secretary Accused of Sexually Harassing Stack of $100 Bills
A pile of $100 bills has come forward to accuse U.S. Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin of inappropriately fondling it during
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Native Americans Strike It Rich as River Runs Black with Oil
A leak in the Dakota Access Pipeline Thursday is being hailed by natives as “a once-in-a-generation windfall of profits.” Standing
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Paper: Is It Haunted by Tree Ghosts?
Paranormal investigations can be dangerous, typically involving several hours of boredom punctuated by a few fleeting seconds of terror. For
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Congress Creates 10,000 Jobs by Turning Yellowstone National Park into Used-Battery Dump
Claiming the new bill will invigorate the American used-battery-dumping industry, Congress passed HR-364 today, which will transform Yellowstone National Park
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