I Won’t Vaccinate My Daughter Because She Probably Won’t Use Her Autism Superpowers Responsibly

By Lilly Edwards, contributor, vaxxfacts.net

After my dad got needled with a polio vaccine, a truck ran him over and made his legs bad. He then had the power to make a wheelchair go like one of those X-Mens. If a polio elixir did this to his bones, then what powers would my daughter gain from an autism vaccine? And could she responsibly use her superpowers?

I’m not sure, which is why I cannot allow her to be vaccinated under any circumstances. You see, there hasn’t been much scientific research into the autism, but I found a strong causation between the correlation of vaccines and autisms and using superpowers responsibly.

Courtesy of whitehouse.gov

The more I vaccinate, the more navy autisms she gets, and the chances of her obtaining a good light blue superpower decrease because of the yellow line. This trend terrifies me. If I were to allow a doctor to inject Vax 1 f(x) autism serum into my beautiful Mikayla’s brain stem, what’s to stop her from turning into ice by Vax 2 f(y)? How could I care for a child who’s constantly at risk of melting? I do not want my daughter to melt.

After Stan Lee invented autism, he did so to make the world a better place. Unfortunately, some people found a way to use an autism to hurt others, like those directors who make movies that tell stories backwards, and the big pharma companies who make it so you can’t know what superpower your child will catch. It doesn’t surprise me that pro-vaxxers killed Lee before he could stop the flow of vaccines from Mexico. He didn’t want this.

So while my daughter could just as easily become a basketball to do good in the big battle, she could also become a radioactive hormonal mess as a teenager because of all the government’s brain control in the tap water. The bad wreckage she could make against our small town as 750,000 grains of par-boiled rice terrifies me. No daughter of mine is getting boiled.

But do I have a choice? The government will still find a way to hook her up to hospital machines that pump cancer food into her blood until she becomes an antelope with machine guns soldered to her head. What if my antelope gets stressed at school and accidentally fires her guns? Would the kids laugh at her? What if it isn’t an accident? It’s a risk I can’t take.

My job is to protect my child against the dangers of this world, like MMR, CMYK, and DVR, which is why I have her quarantined in our furnace room until I can concoct a trustworthy potion of natural ingredients, like organic wheat flour and blood, to dump into her feed hose. Some may criticize me for raising my daughter naturally, but I’ve got a few science on my side.

Courtesy of vaxxvixens.net