‘I’ll Believe Climate Scientists When I See Them Holding Test Tubes of Bubbly Blue Liquid’

A lot of people out there have already made up their minds that climate change is real. But as a climate skeptic, I’ll need more than fancy charts and graphs to convince me our species is in trouble. In fact, if you’re a climate scientist, I’ll only believe you when I see you wearing a white lab coat and holding test tubes of bubbly blue liquid. Until then, all I hear out of your mouth is “blah blah blah, I’m just some nobody.”

Don’t bother talking to me if it’s a clear liquid either. You might come close to convincing me if the liquid is just blue. But if you can get that liquid bubbling, I will be helpless to deny your credibility or refute the causal link between fossil fuel combustion and the rapid acidification of our oceans.

Fear mongering won’t work on me either, so you can stop trying to spook me with threats of a worldwide cholera epidemic, widespread famine, or human extinction. My views on climate change are shaped by a critical evaluation of the science-based evidence you present. For example, can you mix two bubbly liquids together in a beaker and then make it do some kind of big poof of smoke? If so, then you’ve earned my respect and my trust.

A real climate scientist might also have thick goggles and a whole laboratory full of different colored bubbly liquids going all over the place. That would be irrefutable. Furthermore, each bubbly colored liquid that leaves a big glass thingy and does a loop-de-loop through a silly straw type thing into smaller glass thingy would serve as overwhelming fact-based information that only a complete idiot would ignore.

I am waiting.