Ford Introduces Self-Combusting SUV

Ford SUV fans have a reason to celebrate.

America’s SUV sales leader unveiled on Friday the Ford Flash, the company’s first-ever family-sized vehicle with a fully unpredictable self-combustion feature.

The Flash offers high fuel efficiency with just one liter of fuel capable of causing a small- to medium-sized explosion expected to maim or kill drivers and passengers in seconds. Other remarkable features include auto-lock doors ensuring no possible escape, and soundproof power windows that insulate the outside world from violent screams for help.

“The Ford Flash is a new industry benchmark,” said Frank Manuel, the vice president of global powertrain engineering. “No Ford competitor has ever offered a SUV-class vehicle that can go from 63F to over 1000F in 0.5 seconds.”

The three-row SUV features classy earth-grey upholstery that’s both easy to clean and highly flammable. “Its 9-seat design assures that you won’t have to leave grandpa and grandma home when you embark on a family road trip,” Manuel added.

Customers are calling this new family car “reliabl until the end.”

Said customer Mark Jacobs, a life-long Ford fan: “I was looking for a painful, abrupt death for myself and my family. The Flash came at the right price point, so I knew it was the vehicle for me.”

The Flash lists at $32,600 with an on-sale date of spring 2019.